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I wanted to touch myself right here and now but I know I must wait. My dark curls hung loose around my neck and the crown of red flowers contrast against my black hair perfectly. I can smell the scent of rose water coming off my freshly bathed skin. It was all for him. I step outside barefoot so I could feel the earth beneath my feet. Everything feels vibrant and alive. My body vibrates with the sexual energy that is everywhere tonight. I’ve both dreaded and dreamed of this night for the past year. The excitement of the festival was in the air. It was all around me in the laughter and jovial faces. Many of the revelers had started to pair off and were at this very moment performing their own sacred ritual. Some of them were louder than others. Every step I take closer to him I could hear the sounds of sex all around me. It had been too long since I participated. My body remembered and was aching to join in. Each of them were invoking the God and Goddess, the blessed union. They. I pulled my head back from beneath the table and reached my pillow and tried very hard to sleep. Did I do something wrong? I started reciting prayers. It did give me comfort as I asked for forgiveness from Allah. It was early morning mom was calling us; “Subah Bakair” (Good morning), wake up it is late. The ever sweet voice of mother. I went to school earlier that day and I was filling guilty thinking about what happened to me last night. I honestly could not focus much on anything in the class. I came home later. I was a bit silent on things at home. Mom asked me if I was ok. Just a little tired mom. In the evening we ate food and it was what we call it tarkari, nice lamb with potatoes and naan. I just could not stop myself from the corner of eyes looking at Khadijah as if it was the first time seeing her in my life. I had a heart beat and all kind of things were roaming my head. It was another night. Dad was as usual listening to radio BBC and I tried listen on my Aiwa transistor.
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